Wednesday, February 4, 2015

My Name is Mom

Mom.  What a loaded word.  I still find myself turning around in the grocery store when I hear "Mom!"  I still worry whether my child has enough blankets on the bed.  I still wonder if they are getting enough fiber and vegetables in their diet. I worry that I worry too much.  The worries don't stop, they just change.  I can't see my children now, so I can't protect them from the evils in the world.  I can't shield them from the crazies that may be lurking in the subway or street corners.  I can't shield them from the dangerous drivers who are texting or driving drunk. I'm not around to remind them to wash their hands, brush their teeth, do their laundry or say their prayers.

Is it wrong that I tear up every time I leave them or they leave me?  I can't seem to hold those tears back, but I know in my mind that I have no right, and that these tears are just my selfishness.  Why do I do this, when my children are healthy and happy?  Because I am a mom.

Moms lose children--from disease, accidents, drug overdoses, and alcohol-related deaths.  When this happens to someone I know, even someone I sorta know, I feel pain intensely.  Maybe not the pain they are feeling, but something very similar.  Because I am a mom.

Just recently, a mom in my neighborhood lost her son in an alcohol-related incident.  I see her walking her dog, but we don't hang out in the same circles.  Her son attended the same college my son attends.  And they are close to the same age.  We say to each other, "what a tragedy, so sad, just awful what happened", but what I'm really thinking is, I feel, deep in my heart and soul, a true pain for his mom. Because I am a mom.

So I send up my prayers--that my children will be safe, happy, healthy, and successful.  I ask God to send them in the direction that He would have them go, and I know that they are on a journey.  I have faith that they will remember the things they were taught, and use the good judgment that I know they have. And if they fall down, I will be there to help them up.  Because I am a mom.

My children, all grown up!

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